• Home
  • Happy new month messages

Funny quotes for friends

Humor is a really great medium to remove boredom and to start a nice and easy conversation anywhere anytime. Nothing can make you laugh like sharing a few funny quotes with your closest friends. Here we present you a wide collection of hilarious jokes to cheer you up and make your & your friends' day shine brighter.

Men with pierced ears...

Men with pierced ears are more prepared for marriage.
Why?
Because they have already experienced pain and bought jewellery.

There is one way for...

There is one way for transferring your funds, which is even faster than electronic banking.
This is marriage.

Advice for boys: if you...

Advice for boys: if you wish to change the country, better do it right now. Because when you get married, you will not be able to change the TV channel, not speaking about the country…

Girl to shopkeeper: I am...

funny quotes for friends

Girl to shopkeeper: I am looking for a nice love card.
Shopkeeper: Maybe you will like this one, it tells „To the only boy I ever loved“.
Girl: This card is perfect! Give me 10 of them, please.

The shortest way to...

The shortest way to a woman’s heart is to say 3 simple words: “You lost weight!”.

I never drink...

I never drink. Unless I am alone or with someone.

Scientists have revealed...

Scientists have revealed that beer containes small traces of female hormones. They fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that all of them started talking nonsense and couldn’t drive.

Funny quotes for friends...

Sometimes I feel sorry for those who don’t drink. Because when they wake up that is as good as they will feel all day long…

Drunk went to a court...

Drunk went to a court. The judge said: „You are brought here for drinking“.
The drunk replied: „Oh, great! So let’s get started!“.

Doctor told me to watch...

Doctor told me to watch my drinking. That is why I have to drink in front of a mirror now.

Attention! Never text...

Attention! Never text while driving, it’s dangerous, because you might spill your beer!

I cannot think of anything...

I cannot think of anything worse than waking up after a night of drinking next to somebody and not being able to remember his name, how you met and … why he is dead?!

You know, buddy, I am...

– You know, buddy, I am truly worried…
– Why?
– Well, my wife read „A tale of two cities“ and after some time we had twins. Then she read „The three musketeers“ and later we had triplets. And now she is reading „Birth of nation“!…

What is the difference...

What is the difference between talent and intelligence?
Talent is walking on a rope over Niagara Falls.
And intelligence is not trying such a thing.

I am wondering… if the...

I am wondering… if the love is blind, than how will she find me?

Last night I have...

Last night I lied down on my bed and started to look at the beautiful night sky, full of brightly shining stars and then I thought to myself… and where the hell is my roof now?

What is alarm...

What is alarm clock?
It is a small device used for waking up by those people who don’t have little children.

He doesn’t know the...

He doesn’t know the meaning of word “fear”.
By the way, he doesn‘t know the meaning of many other words as well.

Women have a lot...

Women have a lot of faults, while men have only 2 – everything that they do and everything that they say.

There are two times...

Funny quotes for friends

There are two times when men don’t understand their women – it’s before marriage and after marriage.

There is only one...

There is only one crush that is left after getting married… It’s “Candy crush”.

Blind wife and...

Blind wife and deaf husband… what a perfect marriage!

Did you know how...

Did you know how the word „wife“ had been invented?
They just took 2 first and 2 last letter of the word „wildlife“.

You know, my wife...

You know, my wife doesn’t mind me flirting with other girls.
In fact, their rejection seems quite entertaining for her.

Every morning when I...

Every morning when I wake up
I pray to the Lord
That everybody should have a friend like you.

(send the second message just after the first one)
Why should I suffer alone?!

One day I went to the...

One day I went to the gym and I realised that it is not for me – I laid down on the mat to do some exercises and …
I woke up two hours later.

Imagine you fall down...

Imagine you fall down with your newly bought iPhone 6 in your pocket,
And you hear some crack.. what would you pray for?
„Lord, let that be my leg, please…“

My girlfriend was...

My girlfriend was complaining that I never take her to expensive places, so today I took her to the petrol station.

Want to know why you...

Want to know why you eat chocolate, sweets and cakes every time when you are stressed?
Very simple, it’s because the word „stressed“ spelled backwards is „desserts“.

It is amazing that when...

It is amazing that when you go into a spider web you automatically learn  karate, kung fu and jujitsu!

Congratulations! A brand...

Congratulations! A brand new puzzle game was installed to your mobile phone! To start playing, just throw your phone against the wall and then assemble the pieces…

Officer, I have found...

Officer, I have found a bomb in my garden!
It‘s all right, you can keep it, if nobody claims it within 3 days.