Funny messages for friends

Funny quotes for friends

I think that we’ve entered the stage in our relationship when we can discuss poop stuff without being embarrassed. I hope you will accept my proposition and discuss poop with me as soon as possible. Thank you and have a nice day. 

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Hi bud, I wanted to talk to you about something. I’m really tired of you stealing my fries. I think this behaviour is unacceptable, and you have to stop. Thank you for understanding. 

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Do you think we can continue laughing at the stupidest things? I mean, we’ve grown up and I’m not sure if it’s acceptable now. Well, nevermind, at least I’m not being stupid by myself. I’ll always have you. 

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I can’t wait for us to grow old together and live in a nursing home. Can you imagine the chaos? We will destroy this place as soon as we get there. 

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I’m on my way because I’m bored and I have nothing to eat. Could I buy some groceries and take a nap at home? Yes, yes, I could. But it wouldn’t be special because I wouldn’t be ableirritate you. 

Funny sms for friends

The best thing about you is not the fact that you will comfort me if someone hurts me really bad. It’s the fact that you will do anything to destroy this person’s life just to make me feel better. 

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Who needs a psychiatrist when there are friends like you? I know that my dirtiest secrets are safe with you, and you will never tell on me. You know why? Because I know your dirtiest secrets too. 

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I would be so terrified if someone heard our weird conversations. Sometimes our discussions make me physically sick, but let’s never stop having those. It’s disgusting but fun. 

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Do I love when you fall or / and hurt yourself? Yes. Do I ghost you for weeks from time to time? Absolutely I do. Did I eat all the food from your fridge? Also yes. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love you! 

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You know you’ve found your best friend when you start discussing your funeral. The song that will be playing, the food that will be served. Have you decided yet? I want everything to be perfect! 

Hilarious messages for friend

Do you know why I call you my best friend? If the world was ending and I had to kill someone to survive, you would be my last victim. True friendship isn’t dead, am I right? 

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I realized that you will always be my friend when our depressive and manic episodes synchronized. It’s so fun to do crazy stuff and then cry all night long with someone like you, buddy. 

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What should I do to make you listen to me? Buy some kind of friendship premium? Take my money, because I’m tired of you not taking me seriously. Yes, I cry when I see touching commercials, but it doesn’t mean you can make fun of me! 

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I truly believe that best friends are angels that were sent to us from Heaven above. I can’t believe the matrix glitched and instead of an angel from Heaven I got you. 

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My biggest fear is dying and going to hell, but then I look at you and realize that you will be definitely coming with me. Get your sunscreen ready and let’s rock’n’roll!

Short hilarious texts for friends

Mate, it’s so important to have a supportive and loving friend in life. Someone who will always be there to keep you from troubles, you know? Do you understand what I’m trying to say? You need to work on your friend skills, buddy. 

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I’m so glad that I have you. I’ve never thought that someday I’ll find someone who has no sense of humour just like me. Who is just as awkward and lost in this crazy world. I’m talking about you, buddy!

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A friend is someone whose brain farts smell the same as yours do, because being stupid together is much more fun than being stupid all by yourself. Thank you for being my dumb missing puzzle piece, mate. 

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I’m glad that I have a friend like you because every time I feel like a loser, I remember that you actually exist and I immediately feel so much better. The support in our relationship gives me life mate.

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Just wanted to remind you that you are very lucky to have a friend like me, because no other human being would be able to tolerate you. I accept cash as a form of gratitude, thank you very much. 

Funny msg ideas for friend

Today I’ve decided to end our friendship, but I realized that you know all of my darkest secrets, so we will have to continue this relationship till the end of time. Just kidding, buddy. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. 

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I’m just thinking about what an amazing friend I am. You should feel lucky to have someone as gorgeous as me in your life, I hope you understand that. Don’t you ever let me go. 

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Hakuna Matata! I’ve just realized that you are Pumbaa to my Timon. When life says “what?!”, we always turn it into “so what!”. Also, you are just as big and stinky as Pumbaa is. Just kidding, buddy, relax. 

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I wish you could understand how hard it is to be friends with someone like you through all these years. Oh, poor me! You wouldn’t be able to make it this far. Okay, don’t be mad! I still love you, bud. 

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Your sense of humour is just as ridiculous as mine. This is the only reason I keep you. Nobody else can understand my jokes. Okay, I still love you, mate. 

Funny text messages for friends

It’s nice to know that I have a company for spending my eternity in Hell. So happy you’re such a bad influence! Love you more than anyone in the world, buddy.

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I can’t stand you. You’re crazy, annoying, and you laugh too loud. Well, I guess you’re just like me. That’s why I can’t imagine my life without you, weirdo.

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If we were last people on Earth and there was just one piece of food left… I would burry you with all my respect. You’re going to have the best funeral, buddy!

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I can’t believe how lucky you are to have me as your best friend. I’m so jealous of you, mate. Just kidding, your kinda okay as well.

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Hey, gorgeous. Do you believe in friendship at the first sight? Well, I definitely do since I met you. Let’s get completely crazy together.

Funny messages for friend

Girl to shopkeeper: I am looking for a nice love card.
Shopkeeper: Maybe you will like this one, it tells „To the only boy I ever loved“.
Girl: This card is perfect! Give me 10 of them, please.

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Men with pierced ears are more prepared for marriage.
Why?
Because they have already experienced pain and bought jewellery.

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Advice for boys: if you wish to change the country, better do it right now. Because when you get married, you will not be able to change the TV channel, not speaking about the country…

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There is one way for transferring your funds, which is even faster than electronic banking.
This is marriage.

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The shortest way to a woman’s heart is to say 3 simple words: “You lost weight!”.

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Best friend quotes

Good morning messages for friends

There are two times when men don’t understand their women – it’s before marriage and after marriage.

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I never drink. Unless I am alone or with someone.

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Scientists have revealed that beer containes small traces of female hormones. They fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that all of them started talking nonsense and couldn’t drive.

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Sometimes I feel sorry for those who don’t drink. Because when they wake up that is as good as they will feel all day long…

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Drunk went to a court. The judge said: „You are brought here for drinking“.
The drunk replied: „Oh, great! So let’s get started!“.

There is only one crush that is left after getting married… It’s “Candy crush”.

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Doctor told me to watch my drinking. That is why I have to drink in front of a mirror now.

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Attention! Never text while driving, it’s dangerous, because you might spill your beer!

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I am wondering… if the love is blind, than how will she find me?

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Did you know how the word „wife“ had been invented?
They just took 2 first and 2 last letter of the word „wildlife“.

Blind wife and deaf husband… what a perfect marriage!

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He doesn’t know the meaning of word “fear”.
By the way, he doesn‘t know the meaning of many other words as well.

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I cannot think of anything worse than waking up after a night of drinking next to somebody and not being able to remember his name, how you met and … why he is dead?!

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What is the difference between talent and intelligence?
Talent is walking on a rope over Niagara Falls.
And intelligence is not trying such a thing.

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It is amazing that when you go into a spider web you automatically learn karate, kung fu and jujitsu!

My girlfriend was complaining that I never take her to expensive places, so today I took her to the petrol station.

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What is an alarm clock?
It is a small device used for waking up by those people who don’t have little children.

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Women have a lot of faults, while men have only 2 – everything that they do and everything that they say.

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You know, my wife doesn’t mind me flirting with other girls.
In fact, their rejection seems quite entertaining for her.

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Being your friend is always having someone to eat with even if we’re both not hungry. I appreciate it more than anything in the world, mate, thank you so much. Let’s get fat together.

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I’ve realized that you became my best friend when you fell and got hurt and I couldn’t stop laughing at this. I think that’s what best friends do, right?

Want to know why you eat chocolate, sweets and cakes every time when you are stressed?
Very simple, it’s because the word „stressed“ spelled backwards is „desserts“.

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Every morning when I wake up
I pray to the Lord
That everybody should have a friend like you.

(send the second message just after the first one)
Why should I suffer alone?!

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Congratulations! A brand new puzzle game was installed to your mobile phone! To start playing, just throw your phone against the wall and then assemble the pieces…

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Officer, I have found a bomb in my garden!
It‘s all right, you can keep it, if nobody claims it within 3 days.

One day I went to the gym and I realised that it is not for me – I laid down on the mat to do some exercises and …
I woke up two hours later.

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– You know, buddy, I am truly worried…
– Why?
– Well, my wife read „A tale of two cities“ and after some time we had twins. Then she read „The three musketeers“ and later we had triplets. And now she is reading „Birth of nation“!…

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Last night I lied down on my bed and started to look at the beautiful night sky, full of brightly shining stars and then I thought to myself… and where the hell is my roof now?

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Imagine you fall down with your newly bought iPhone 6 in your pocket,
And you hear some crack.. what would you pray for?
„Lord, let that be my leg, please…“

You are my best friend, so If we lived in a post-apocalyptic world, I would kill you last. I think it’s the best compliment ever, and I really hope you’ll enjoy it. Love you!

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It’s nice to have a friend who can get you out of jail. But it’s even nicer to have a friend who will sit next to you in a prison cell saying “It was amazing, we have to repeat this experience”.

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We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t even remember why I started to hang out with you in the first place, weirdo. Just kidding, I think your amazing. Just in your own special way, mate.