Men with pierced ears
Men with pierced ears are more prepared for marriage.
Why?
Because they have already experienced pain and bought jewellery.
Funny messages for friends
Advice for boys: if you
Advice for boys: if you wish to change the country, better do it right now. Because when you get married, you will not be able to change the TV channel, not speaking about the country…
There is one way for
There is one way for transferring your funds, which is even faster than electronic banking.
This is marriage.
Girl to shopkeeper: I am
Girl to shopkeeper: I am looking for a nice love card.
Shopkeeper: Maybe you will like this one, it tells „To the only boy I ever loved“.
Girl: This card is perfect! Give me 10 of them, please.
The shortest way to
The shortest way to a woman’s heart is to say 3 simple words: “You lost weight!”.
I never drink
I never drink. Unless I am alone or with someone.
Scientists have revealed
Scientists have revealed that beer containes small traces of female hormones. They fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that all of them started talking nonsense and couldn’t drive.
Funny quotes for friends
Sometimes I feel sorry for those who don’t drink. Because when they wake up that is as good as they will feel all day long…
Drunk went to a court
Drunk went to a court. The judge said: „You are brought here for drinking“.
The drunk replied: „Oh, great! So let’s get started!“.
Doctor told me to watch
Doctor told me to watch my drinking. That is why I have to drink in front of a mirror now.
Attention! Never text
Attention! Never text while driving, it’s dangerous, because you might spill your beer!
I cannot think of anything
I cannot think of anything worse than waking up after a night of drinking next to somebody and not being able to remember his name, how you met and … why he is dead?!
You know, buddy, I am
– You know, buddy, I am truly worried…
– Why?
– Well, my wife read „A tale of two cities“ and after some time we had twins. Then she read „The three musketeers“ and later we had triplets. And now she is reading „Birth of nation“!…
What is the difference
What is the difference between talent and intelligence?
Talent is walking on a rope over Niagara Falls.
And intelligence is not trying such a thing.
I am wondering… if the
I am wondering… if the love is blind, than how will she find me?
Last night I have
Last night I lied down on my bed and started to look at the beautiful night sky, full of brightly shining stars and then I thought to myself… and where the hell is my roof now?
What is alarm
What is alarm clock?
It is a small device used for waking up by those people who don’t have little children.
He doesn’t know the
He doesn’t know the meaning of word “fear”.
By the way, he doesn‘t know the meaning of many other words as well.
Women have a lot
Women have a lot of faults, while men have only 2 – everything that they do and everything that they say.
There are two times
There are two times when men don’t understand their women – it’s before marriage and after marriage.
There is only one
There is only one crush that is left after getting married… It’s “Candy crush”.
Blind wife and
Blind wife and deaf husband… what a perfect marriage!
Did you know how
Did you know how the word „wife“ had been invented?
They just took 2 first and 2 last letter of the word „wildlife“.
You know, my wife
You know, my wife doesn’t mind me flirting with other girls.
In fact, their rejection seems quite entertaining for her.
Every morning when I
Every morning when I wake up
I pray to the Lord
That everybody should have a friend like you.
(send the second message just after the first one)
Why should I suffer alone?!
One day I went to the
One day I went to the gym and I realised that it is not for me – I laid down on the mat to do some exercises and …
I woke up two hours later.
Imagine you fall down
Imagine you fall down with your newly bought iPhone 6 in your pocket,
And you hear some crack.. what would you pray for?
„Lord, let that be my leg, please…“
My girlfriend was
My girlfriend was complaining that I never take her to expensive places, so today I took her to the petrol station.
Want to know why you
Want to know why you eat chocolate, sweets and cakes every time when you are stressed?
Very simple, it’s because the word „stressed“ spelled backwards is „desserts“.
It is amazing that when
It is amazing that when you go into a spider web you automatically learn karate, kung fu and jujitsu!
Congratulations! A brand
Congratulations! A brand new puzzle game was installed to your mobile phone! To start playing, just throw your phone against the wall and then assemble the pieces…
Officer, I have found
Officer, I have found a bomb in my garden!
It‘s all right, you can keep it, if nobody claims it within 3 days.