Hilarious messages for friend

Do you know why I call you my best friend? If the world was ending and I had to kill someone to survive, you would be my last victim. True friendship isn’t dead, am I right?
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I realized that you will always be my friend when our depressive and manic episodes synchronized. It’s so fun to do crazy stuff and then cry all night long with someone like you, buddy.
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What should I do to make you listen to me? Buy some kind of friendship premium? Take my money, because I’m tired of you not taking me seriously. Yes, I cry when I see touching commercials, but it doesn’t mean you can make fun of me!
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I truly believe that best friends are angels that were sent to us from Heaven above. I can’t believe the matrix glitched and instead of an angel from Heaven I got you.
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My biggest fear is dying and going to hell, but then I look at you and realize that you will be definitely coming with me. Get your sunscreen ready and let’s rock’n’roll!